Past Lives. On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game “Oregon Trail,” which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind- swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, “This is where my oxen always die.”— Quin Gilbert. Summertime. We all grew up in a town on the New Jersey shore and spent our summers at the beach, swimming, surfing, hanging out with friends.
Guru Louise and I asked you about what most teachers really want for end of the year gifts. We got hundreds of answers on Facebook, Twitter and in the comments. Bee on Video features priceless footage of top fuel, funny car, pro stock, gasser and other drag racing action from the sport's early years.
- Criminals on a bad hair day.
- Looking for awesome, funny gift ideas that have to do with pooping? If you have a brother-in-law, inappropriate dad, or know someone who is just plain full of shit.
One of my friends loved the season so much, we began calling him Mr. Wishful Thinking. My two- year- old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.“Listen to me, Matthew,” his mother said sharply. Disney World.”— Leah Hallenbeck. Moving Forward. The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends.
To look or observe attentively or carefully; be closely observant: watching for trail markers. It's all in a day's work to share these funny office jokes, puns, and laughs.
One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by. Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career.“Well,” he replied, “you better start thinking about it. You’ll be thirty before you know it.”“But I’m closer to twenty than to thirty,” I protested. Sounding Off. I was with a friend in a caf.
Whenever I wanted him home, I’d go out to our driveway and jostle his car.”— Sheila Moore. A Perfect Fit. For her summer job, my 1. At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie seats, no simple task for most people. The interview went well, and at the end, the day- care center director asked the standard question, “Can you give me one good reason we should hire you?”“Because I fit in the chairs.” She got the job.— Judith L.
Tag Sale Special. I was getting ready for a tag sale one summer day. Since it was so humid out, I decided to stay inside my air- conditioned house and mark the special stickers I had bought for the sale. Then I slapped them on my blouse, ran outside, stuck them on the appropriate items and rushed back inside.
I did this until every item was labeled. Later that day a UPS man came by the house with a delivery. I noticed that as I was signing for the package, he seemed ill at ease. It was only after he left that I noticed there was one sticker still attached to the front of my blouse.
It read “Make me an offer.”— Mary E. Clowning Around. Before heading on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights so long the protective eye shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, “Man, I look like a clown.” I had almost convinced myself I was overreacting — until I was in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me, “Are you giving out balloons?” he asked.— Nina Secviar, Hammond, Ind. Hotter Cooler. On a recent vacation at a resort with my in- laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy.
My brother- in- law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool. After a pause the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”— Tina M. Forcast. Vacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 7. Tonight: Not so sunny, 5.
Norrine Trono. 11. Beach Date. Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. Game Of Thrones Fumetto Download here. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, “Can we drink beer on the beach?”“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first.”— Louis Allard. Familiar Faces. Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie- dyed T- shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach.
Office Jokes - Funny Work Jokes . Upon further investigation, police discovered . These men and women have. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt. Source: storify. com. My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she .
When I asked what was wrong, he responded glumly, . Frustrated, my boss set his salad aside and proposed a specific and complex situation to the young man, then asked, . His e- mail address is malware@company. His e- mail was stoner@company. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.
I. To that end, I had him . Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, . Delete it. Source: clientsfromhell. I. L., via e- mail.
I supervised an employee who had a negative view of everything . If I took a vacation day, I was . Shortly thereafter, he contacted . I was eating at a fast- food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, . M., via e- mail. Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.
Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $1. The engineers are working on it. Caller: It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that. Source: Overheard in the RADIO Newsroom. When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, . With whom did you wish to speak?
Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed . Officials wrote back, . However, this is a non- devolved .
Unless the job is a statistician. Comedian Adam Gropman.
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of . One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said, . Good messengers are hard . Also, I will not construct walkways above them. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.
The person on the other end answered, . He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command.
Our instructor approached the . When I got home, I decided it was time for a little father- son bonding time. In the bathroom, I took . His foot was up on the side of the bathtub, and he was . So much for male bonding.
James F. Day, Prichard, West Virginia. One of the most popular questions asked at our family restaurant is . Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. Questions from tourists, like these. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, .
R., via Internet. My daughter Amy was holding down two jobs: The first was as a manicurist at a salon; the other was raking leaves for a housing development. One day, she came back from lunch at the raking job to find a note. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask, . Is that all I am to you?
Under the heading Qualities and Skills, she listed, . The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast- paced environment. S., via Internet. My favorite game.
I sent the client a proof. Please use a hand that looks more like God! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a paycheck. Stephen Colbert. Being a lifeguard is a weird summer job for a kid.
Ninety- nine percent of the time, sit and do nothing. One percent of the time, SAVE SOMEONE. If they see you struggling in the water, they say, . Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, . Y., via Internet.
While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered a few books for our library. One was George Orwell. When I went to take it out, I discovered that the librarian had placed the book in the section for dairy and poultry. Jacob Cheeran, Thrissur, India.
A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, ! I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room. Glaring at me, he grumbled, . However, the man who was to introduce him to the congregation had trouble pronouncing his name.
Recently, after he steered yet another conversation toward the subject, a coworker whispered to me, ? What will you be shredding primarily? Customer: Collard greens.
Jessica Smith, Peachtree City, Georgia. Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives.
Only males need apply, since, as the listing tells us, . As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device.
Cow Gifts. Timmy Woods Beverly Hills is a designer and manufacturer of fashion forward, high quality, wearable art handbags for women. Launched in 1. 99. Timmy Woods, Timmy Woods Beverly Hills is the outgrowth of years of design experience developed through a variety of design positions, a former handbag venture and business acumen and international savvy rendered through travel, education and experience in the international real estate market. Timmy Woods Beverly Hills is focused on creating innovative designs that appeal to women with a broad range of interests and lifestyles.
Inspired by handmade wooden boxes, Timmy sees these handcrafted wooden handbags as a fresh statement in fashion and as sculptured pieces of art. On the cutting edge of art and fashion, each bag is carved from fallen Acacia trees and is hand- made taking 3. Yes, moo- vie stars DO cow- llect these and moo can, too ! Don't pay Beverly Hills Prices !!!!